A nice cup of tea with nuclear radiation

May 223, 2004

Of all the stupid things people say, one of the most stupid is ‘Would you like a nice cup of tea?’ I mean, what is the word nice doing in that sentence? It’s the sort of thing daft old grannies like to say. ‘Ooh! Let’s have a nice cup of tea.’

So I went round to my Gran’s the other day and I said, ‘How’re you doing Gran?’ and she said, ‘All right, you know, considering.’

She’s dead, my Gran, but she takes great care of herself, you know what I mean?

So she says ‘Come in, sit down. Would you like a nice cup of tea?’

I thought to myself, God, if I hear that one more time … But I said, ‘No thanks, Gran I’m all right.’

Then she said, ‘Would you like a horrible cup of tea?’

I thought for a moment. ‘How horrible? Without sugar?’

‘Without sugar. And I’ll spit in it.’

‘Nah, I’m not too bothered, thanks, Gran.’

‘I’ll put some spiders in. No sugar, spit, and spiders. And I’ll make it with toilet water.’

‘Aye, all right then. Cheers.’

‘And how about some nuclear radiation?

‘Nuclear radiation?’

‘Nuclear radiation. I’ve got some yellowcake.’

‘Now you’re talking, Gran. Champion!’


Un-Tall Tales, Bog, p81


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Stealth publishing: Un-Tall Tales secretly out

The world of publishing has been rocked to its foundations today by the revelation that Chris Page’s collection of short fiction Un-Tall Tales was secretly published on March 31 — 105 days ago.

The announcement today of this act of stealth publishing further wrong-footed literary pundits by appearing not on this site, the dedicated Un-Tall Tales site, but on chris-page.com, the author site.

‘Why let anyone know?’ asked Chris Page (the author). ‘The book only represents millions of hours of hard labour and trillions of brain cells.’

‘I had to figure out how to write the bloody stories, so let everyone else figure out that they’re bloody published. Do I have to do everything for everyone?’ he went on and on.

Un-Tall Tales is 104 pages of humour, satire, acute social observation and sundry giggles.

For more information on the contents of this book see ‘Inside Un-Tall Tales’ on this site or rush straight to Amazon to get your own copy before the POD edition runs out.

Warning: Un-Tall Tales contains all the material published in the ebook Shorts, plus two stories.

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Un-tall cover preview

Well, here’s the current draft of the cover for the paperback of Un-Tall Tales.

It has only taken an embarrassingly long time to get my finger out of the drinks cabinet and onto the drawing board. And here’s the rather scruffy result.

Now going through the pre-press process and assuming there are no sudden and radical changes of mind Un-Tall Tales will be an Amazon paperback in time for the Big Crunch.

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Straining noises

Making progress with the paperback Un-Tall Tales. It will feature all the stories and nonsense from the ebook Shorts, plus two extra short stories, Dumb Novel and The Escapologist. The text is pretty much edited and formatted and I now have to get to grips with the cover.

Watch this space but don’t hold your breath.

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Nothing here yet

I am working on getting Un-Tall Tales out as a paperback and this project should be complete soon. I’ll post updates here and prettify this site as I go along.

But don’t hold your breath.

Un-Tall Tales is a collection of humorous short fiction from Chris Page.


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